The Leash

I used to dream

Of being carefree.

The girl who floats on feathers through each day

With only a smile on her face

And an intact heart,

One not drawn together by delicate stitches.

It would be easier, not worrying

About how we could all disappear.

I used to think

It was possible for me,

That with just enough practice, 

Even I could let go. 

Now I understand

People like me 

Do not get to feel that release.

To free our spirits like the golden birds 

I've seen soaring in a dream. 

When we constantly clutch that harrowing thought to the back of our minds,

Begging it to stay below the surface, to drown,

But always finding it floats its way to the forefront:

Everything, all we are, can be stolen away.

We know the sheer number of people,

Persistent in our nightmares, we've memorized them,

Those who do not care whether our will to live remains.

We feel the sting of glances they're certain we cannot see,

The ice of the murmurs aimed for a laugh or a rise.

They forget their offenses, but our memories are not so forgiving -

Each lash leaves a lasting scar. 

Nevertheless, my efforts are unending,

Inconsequential as they feel.

My dream to set myself free -

To achieve a life

Seeing through cloudless eyes, 

Carrying a heart that beats with ease -

Could someday be real. 

But today, the leash wrenches me back within Their reach.